If you talk to God, you are religious. If God talks to you, you are nuts.
:D
:D
...Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."
That has got to be in the top ten list of best movie quotes of all time. And by the way (oh noes, I started a sentence with "and"), it's a MOVIE not a FILM!
ANYWAY! Here's a few ways to enjoy life through suffering without being a Buddhist:
1.) Deprive yourself of a bathroom break for HOURS. Refuse to excrete until it's practically bursting out of your bladder. While you're waiting, go for a nice, long car ride. Walk around in a shopping mall. When it's time, you'll practically orgasm from the relief of taking a piss. It'll teach you to enjoy the little things in life.
2.) On your day off, turn a DVD on and leave it running on the main menu ALL day so that the same 30 seconds of audio plays over and over. I recommend Charlie and the Chocolate Factory if you've got it...the original.. Any children's movie will do, really. After 12 hours or so, go listen to Moonlight Sonata. When that's over, turn the DVD on again and see if that 30 seconds of audio sounds remotely like it did 10 minutes ago...
3.) Go to an elementary school band/chorus concert or play of which your child is not a member.
4.) Drink nothing but instant coffee and chicken broth for an entire month. At the end of the month, see how much you'll enjoy a glass of water.
5.) Cut halfway through a fingernail with your nail clippers so every type of cloth will get stuck in it. Leave it until it falls off on its own.
And there's another waste of a minute or two of your life (I did it again), but at least I found five dollars.
That has got to be in the top ten list of best movie quotes of all time. And by the way (oh noes, I started a sentence with "and"), it's a MOVIE not a FILM!
ANYWAY! Here's a few ways to enjoy life through suffering without being a Buddhist:
1.) Deprive yourself of a bathroom break for HOURS. Refuse to excrete until it's practically bursting out of your bladder. While you're waiting, go for a nice, long car ride. Walk around in a shopping mall. When it's time, you'll practically orgasm from the relief of taking a piss. It'll teach you to enjoy the little things in life.
2.) On your day off, turn a DVD on and leave it running on the main menu ALL day so that the same 30 seconds of audio plays over and over. I recommend Charlie and the Chocolate Factory if you've got it...the original.. Any children's movie will do, really. After 12 hours or so, go listen to Moonlight Sonata. When that's over, turn the DVD on again and see if that 30 seconds of audio sounds remotely like it did 10 minutes ago...
3.) Go to an elementary school band/chorus concert or play of which your child is not a member.
4.) Drink nothing but instant coffee and chicken broth for an entire month. At the end of the month, see how much you'll enjoy a glass of water.
5.) Cut halfway through a fingernail with your nail clippers so every type of cloth will get stuck in it. Leave it until it falls off on its own.
And there's another waste of a minute or two of your life (I did it again), but at least I found five dollars.
Well.. I thought it was funny anyway.
"Boyabus kissibus pretti girlorum. Girlabus likabus, wanti somorum. Papibus hearibus biga smakorum. Kickibus boyabus outi backdorum. Boyabus kissibus girla nomorum."
"Boyabus kissibus pretti girlorum. Girlabus likabus, wanti somorum. Papibus hearibus biga smakorum. Kickibus boyabus outi backdorum. Boyabus kissibus girla nomorum."
I thought it was time to bite the bullet and make my own blog. This way, the random blahblahblah that I spew on a semi-regular basis may continue without trashing someone else's backyard.
ANYhoo, on that note, here are some reasons why I sometimes hate the internet's creation.
1.) Blogs just like this one. It's not that I don't think people should have the right to blog...it's because they have overtaken search engines...and it's very frustrating!!
E.G.
I will search, say... "how to knit a sweater." The first twenty thousand pages will be a bunch of blog entries that people have written on how to knit a sweater... HOWEVER! The blog entry will be several entries in.. and when you follow the SE's link, it takes you to the front page of the blog...which leads to mindless hours of futile searching... and then I found five dollars... which is a way of saying that I am going on a tangent that is no longer interesting in any way, shape or form.
2.) The internet breeds stupidity. I'm not referring to the obvious bastardization of the English language that is leet speak (which is no less blood curdling, however) or the inability to differentiate between "your" and "you're," "their," "there" and "they're." I'm talking about people that THINK they're intelligent because they've picked up on a few misunderstood/used but relatively "big words."
E.G.
Proverbial. The proverbial noob {sic} whent {sic} to fuck you're {sic} proverbial mother.
or
Inherently. Here's an actual example I found on youtube (and I imagine the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons saying it): "I strongly disagree with the idea that it's inherently cruel to keep an animal as a pet. The words "strongly" and "inherently" seem a bit extraneous here, wouldn't you say? And then I found five dollars.
3.) The internet makes it harder to enjoy life. Can you remember the last time you went to a fucking Blockbuster and rented a movie and everyone was REALLY excited about it?? Now you can just download it. Or find it on Megavideo or Hulu or something.
Or how about when you have one of those, "What was his NAME??" or "What was that SONG?" moments....and you had to sit there for hours and think about it until someone finally remembered?? Now you can just google it. It takes the joy out of all of those little things in life. Nothing is special because everything is so readily available. And then I found five dollars.
4.) Social networking websites, which virtually everyone belongs to, have made it impossible to for creepy people NOT to find a way to contact you and make life awkward and suck.
5.) Work applications. You can't make an impression with any of your potential employers because everything is done online. Leaves you at an unfair disadvantage.
I will end this here, not that anyone will read it, before I have to find a million dollars.
ANYhoo, on that note, here are some reasons why I sometimes hate the internet's creation.
1.) Blogs just like this one. It's not that I don't think people should have the right to blog...it's because they have overtaken search engines...and it's very frustrating!!
E.G.
I will search, say... "how to knit a sweater." The first twenty thousand pages will be a bunch of blog entries that people have written on how to knit a sweater... HOWEVER! The blog entry will be several entries in.. and when you follow the SE's link, it takes you to the front page of the blog...which leads to mindless hours of futile searching... and then I found five dollars... which is a way of saying that I am going on a tangent that is no longer interesting in any way, shape or form.
2.) The internet breeds stupidity. I'm not referring to the obvious bastardization of the English language that is leet speak (which is no less blood curdling, however) or the inability to differentiate between "your" and "you're," "their," "there" and "they're." I'm talking about people that THINK they're intelligent because they've picked up on a few misunderstood/used but relatively "big words."
E.G.
Proverbial. The proverbial noob {sic} whent {sic} to fuck you're {sic} proverbial mother.
or
Inherently. Here's an actual example I found on youtube (and I imagine the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons saying it): "I strongly disagree with the idea that it's inherently cruel to keep an animal as a pet. The words "strongly" and "inherently" seem a bit extraneous here, wouldn't you say? And then I found five dollars.
3.) The internet makes it harder to enjoy life. Can you remember the last time you went to a fucking Blockbuster and rented a movie and everyone was REALLY excited about it?? Now you can just download it. Or find it on Megavideo or Hulu or something.
Or how about when you have one of those, "What was his NAME??" or "What was that SONG?" moments....and you had to sit there for hours and think about it until someone finally remembered?? Now you can just google it. It takes the joy out of all of those little things in life. Nothing is special because everything is so readily available. And then I found five dollars.
4.) Social networking websites, which virtually everyone belongs to, have made it impossible to for creepy people NOT to find a way to contact you and make life awkward and suck.
5.) Work applications. You can't make an impression with any of your potential employers because everything is done online. Leaves you at an unfair disadvantage.
I will end this here, not that anyone will read it, before I have to find a million dollars.
